Permanently Temporary
by rabid bunny rabbit1
Summary: A mourning Remus is reunited with the one he lost.


He sat alone in his small rented room. It was dirty and hot, but at least it put a roof over his head temporarily. His battered trunk and briefcase sat in the corner of the room, blending in well with their shabby surroundings. He sat, and sighed. The small wooden chair creaked with his slightest move, and the table was unsteady on it's three, splintery legs. The smooth brown liquor rolled in the tumbler like a brown oil slick, hypnotising him. His eyes were slightly unfocused, for he had imbibed far more alcohol than he was use to. It was rather expensive for his budget, but in his mind, every drop was worth more than gold. When memories need to be squelched, if only temporarily, alcohol is your drug of choice—especially when you're broke.

Smiling, he picked up the small, chipped tumbler he had found in the room and tossed it down his throat. Temporary. Everything was temporary for his kind. Temporary lodgings, temporary relief, and, alas, temporary perfection. He had lost the perfection in his life. It had simply fallen through the veil, wide-eyed and drenched in green light, and it was then that he understood that everything you ever thought you had could be gone in the blink of an eye. He smiled widely, eyes unfocused and shining in the candlelight, as he felt that familiar pain wash back into his chest. It felt as if his heart were being dug out with a tea spoon.

"You fucking moron!!" A small thread of saliva hung from his mouth, quivering with every gasping breath. "YOU FUCKING IMBECILE!!" He slammed the tumbler back on the table, causing dust to fall from between the wooden cracks to rest on top of the inch thick crud already covering the floor. He stared at his hands, trying to focus anywhere but on the agony that was rippling through him. He cursed the alcohol for not doing it's job properly. He had no more left, and the small bottle had apparently not been enough to knock him out. In despair, he put his head in his hands and sobbed outright.

The shabby form of Remus Lupin crawled from the chair to rest on the dirty floor, clutching his knees to his chest and sobbed pitifully. He was so absorbed in his pain that the shadow flickering in the corner of the room went unnoticed. The black form crawled down the wall, and curled slowly about the bedpost as if watching the crying man. Remus cried for a long time until he finally drifted off into sleep. It was then that the shadow moved again.

Like an eel gliding through water, the shadow seemed to stretch out towards the sleeping man, coiling and uncoiling about his body as if investigating. After a bit, the shadow drew itself up and started to change. Like a clouded image in a crystal ball, the shadow seemed to solidify, revealing the form of a man. The man kneeled down beside the sleeping form and reached out a tentative hand to touch a dishevelled mop of greying hair. The ghost of Sirius Black enfolded Remus in his arms, or tried to, rather. His long, transparent arms simply glided through Remus' body, causing the sleeping man to gasp and shiver. Sirius flew back and watched as Remus woke ungracefully.

Brown eyes opened drunkenly to stare about the room. Remus felt as if he were stuck in a fishbowl. He blinked dumbly at his surroundings, trying his best to make sense of it. There was a man in the room with him.

"What the fuck d'you want?" he slurred as his legs slid back down in front of him. He swung his arms around to lift himself up, banging his shoulder against the table as he struggled to his feet. The man didn't answer, but simply stood there, staring at him. He frowned. Probably came to shut him up. He stood to his feet and immediately saw stars. His head spun and he stumbled to keep from falling back down. The man started towards him. Remus spun on his heel to get away and had to grab the bedpost to keep from falling. He pulled himself on to the bed and lay down, trying to force the room to stop it's incessant spinning. The man was standing by his head now. He looked up into his face and found that it looked vaguely familiar.

"Just who are you? Come to tell me to shut up, I suppose." Remus was still looking at the man's face, trying to figure out just who he was. He knew him, of that he was certain...but where did he know him from? The man was still silently staring down at him. "Can't you fucking talk? Say something for God's sake!"

"Remus." Remus' face went white. His heart seemed to crawl into his throat for a second, and he swallowed audibly to get it back down. Even in his drunken stupor, he would recognize that voice anywhere.

"...Sirius..." He lay dumbfounded for a few seconds, before he lept up and threw his arms around his lover, only to topple face-first into the wall. He blinked at his hands, which were crushed against his own face.

"Remus," he heard the voice say. He had seen him, he was hearing him, he had to be here. He spun around again and stared at the figure of Sirius. He noticed that he could see the outline of the door through Sirius. His eyes stung and he felt as if he were going to be ill.

"Sirius! What—why?" Remus stumbled forward, and lifted a hand to touch his friend. "Why can't I fucking touch you?" His fingertips felt as if he were dipping them into a frigid pool of water. He whined in the back of his throat and grit his teeth together as he felt the tears tracing new paths down his face and dripping from his chin.

"I'm a ghost, Remus," Sirius said, his previously blue eyes now a cast-over grey colour. He stared at Remus with those eyes that reflected the utter depair he felt in his heart. Remus sunk to the bed and circled an arm about a bed post and stared at Sirius.

"I'm so happy to see you, Siri. Even if I can't touch you."

"I'm so glad to see you too, Rem," he said as he crouched down in front of his friend, holding his hands out and hovering them over Remus' lap, as if he were pretending to touch him.

"Does this mean we can't bring you back?"

"I...suppose so. I don't know. God if I could only touch you!" Sirius' voice cracked as he balled his hands into fists. Remus looked down at his shoes.

"What if you concentrated very hard?" Remus' voice was barely above a whisper. An awkward silence followed.

"I don't know. I could try," Sirius finally answered. The living man closed his eyes and tried to focus on his breathing. He prayed for all he was worth that he could feel Sirius' touch once more. He felt a fierce chill fall through his hand and knee as Sirius tried once and failed. Remus kept his eyes shut tightly.

"Concentrate, please try," he whispered. He felt a spike of cold running across his cheek. The next time it was his arm, then his chest, and finally the back of his head. He opened his eyes and stared at his dead lover's face. He was amazed by the ghostly tears that ran down Sirius' transparent cheeks. He absentmindedly lifted a hand to wipe them away, and felt cold skin against his fingertips. Sirius gasped. Remus sighed.

"I can feel your fingers." Sirius lifed his hand up and gently touched Remus' arm. He felt the soft, worn fabric under his fingers and sobbed. Remus almost violently pulled Sirius into an embrace, crushing his lips against and unnaturally cold neck that had no pulse.

"Sirius, Sirius, Sirius," Remus whispered over and over again as he trailed his lips along his lover's neck up to his chin before he closed his mouth around it, rasping his tongue against the dusting of stubble on that perfect, dimpled piece of flesh. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus and shuddered.

"I'm so sorry, I swear I am. You're right, I am a fucking imbecile. I should have known it was a trap. If only I could go back in time and make it right again," Sirius whispered as he worked his cold hands under Remus' robe, running his fingertips over the incredibly warm flesh beneath.

"No, I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you. I should have seen it coming and I should have attacked quicker. I should have died, not you. I wish I were dead." He licked Sirius' lips and fell backwards onto the bed, pulling his lover over him like a cold blanket.

"Don't ever fucking say that again, Remus," Sirius whispered as he broke away suddenly. He sat on top of Remus, and stared down into his eyes. "You will not take your own life. I would never forgive you for it."

"I didn't say I was going to kill myself!" He sat up, circling his arms around Sirius' waist.

"Actions are much louder than words, love," Sirius said as he ran his finger along a fresh scar adorning his lover's neck. Remus lowered his head and closed his eyes. "Please don't try that again, if only for me."

"I won't." He felt cold lips against his forehead and squeezed Sirius tighter. "Stay with me, Sirius. Please don't leave me again," he whispered.

"I can't stay, Rem." Remus bit down on his lip and held his breath. "I've convinced them to let me come out for one night, and in the morning I'll be taken back."

"Who the fuck is 'them'? What the fuck are you talking about?" Remus pulled back to look into Sirius' face.

"The ones behind the veil. They own me now, Remus, and there's nothing that can be done," he said as he ran his fingers over warm arms. Remus wondered vaguely if he had enough moisture left to cry. "Please, let's just make the most of tonight. It's the last we'll ever have."

"And when I die?" Remus asked as he threaded his fingers throught Sirius' hair, surprised that even that was freezing cold.

"Only if you fall behind the veil yourself, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone," Sirius whispered before bringing his mouth down to cover his lover's; light meeting dark, life meeting death. Remus held on to Sirius and kissed him fiercely.

"I love you, Siri."

"Love you too, Rem."

And with that, the two twined their bodies together, making love and savoring it slowly, making every second count. Remus knew how to savor. When everything you have is temporary, that's one skill that you quickly learn.


End file.
